


like a fire

by watergator



Series: dnp tour fics 2018 [3]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Tour Bus, ii tour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-06-05 10:09:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15168398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watergator/pseuds/watergator
Summary: phil is having a bad day on tour and he takes it out on dan





	like a fire

He’s been extremely irritable these last few days. He’s not sure if it’s because his back is sore from the various hotel room mattresses that feel like they’re made from rocks, or it’s the long hours on the road, or if it’s the ache in his feet from so many nights stood up on stage, trying his best to laugh and joke with the audience that sits down below them and looks up with crinkled smiles and adoring eyes.  
  
Phil loves being on tour. He always gains that little bit of happiness back when a fan would hug them tight and thank them for the smallest of thing that Phil would never once deem worth their lives. But they do and it makes Phil grateful for it; grateful that he gets the travel the world and do what he loves as a living.  
  
But he’s only human. He can only endure so much pressure until he snaps.  
  
They’re sat in the front lounge of the tour bus. Dan is sat rather close to him, legs touching as he laughs and talks loudly to Cornelia who sits opposite them. He usually loves it when Dan presses himself as tight as he can to him, the feeling of being so close is a feeling that Phil adores - the feeling of being needed and wanted. But right now he’s itching to get away; desperate to slide away to the other end of the couch and just block out the sounds of Dan’s shrill, excitable voice as he continues his conversation.  
  
He’s not even listening to what they’re talking about. He doesn’t care if he’s being honest. They’ve been traveling for the last two days and they have a show tomorrow and there’s a heavy ache in his bones that makes him wish that maybe they could just take the day off and spend it curled up in their pull out sofa bed at the back of the bus.  
  
Phil looks past at Cornelia and out the window behind her, trying to focus on the passing scenery outside, but the bus is going too fast to focus on anything for more than a second; it’s nothing but a blur of colours.  
  
He comes back out his head when he feels Dan’s large hand placed on his knee,  
  
“You with us Phil?” Dan asks with a fond grin, almost teasing and Phil can feel every muscle in his body tense just from watching the way Dan’s lips curve into a smile.  
  
Dan doesn’t move his hand off of his knee and suddenly it feels so heavy against his body,  
  
“Yeah, I think I’m gonna lie down for a bit. Tired.” Phil mumbles in a low voice, trying to lace the irritated tone that seeps through with every word before he pushes himself off the sofa, letting Dan’s hand flop down back onto the sofa and he makes quick steps towards the room at the back.  
  
He doesn’t bother looking back at them for any reaction but he can almost imagine the worried glances they’ll shoot each other before Cornelia convinces Dan to go at see if he’s okay. He really wishes he wouldn’t.  
  
He slams the door a little too loud, causing his own body to flinch in shock as he steps into the room.  
  
He needs to calm down. There’s absolutely no reason to feel so angry and annoyed, less reason to take it out on Dan and Cornelia; the two people he loves the most in the world.  
  
He doesn’t even bother stripping down to his boxers, but instead climbs into bed still wearing his jeans and t-shirt. The waistband of his skinny jeans immediately digs uncomfortably into his side and he’s pissed off again.  
  
Phil closes his eyes and tries to breathe but all that comes out is heavy puff of air from his nostrils and he’s annoying himself with it.  
  
He rolls over and hears the soft sound of the door opening, then, closing again.  
  
He can feel Dan standing in the room and just his presence is making Phil’s blood boil. He wants to stop this feeling but when he feels the bed dip from where Dan sits beside him on the bed he feels the irrational irritation begin to flare deep inside of him.  
  
Dan begins tracing little patterns against Phil’s shoulder over his shirt, slowly and gently. He hasn’t spoken yet but he can imagine the heavy words that sit upon Dan’s tongue that threat to spill from his mouth.  
  
The little circles and swirls that Dan continues to tickle against his arm would usually be soothing and something to ground him when his head seems to float away from him but again much like everything lately, it does nothing but anger him slightly.  
  
“Hey.” Dan finally speaks. His voice is quiet and soft and caring and it welcomes Phil with such welcome open arms but for some reason Phil wants to push away from it.  
  
He grunts in response, he wants Dan to take a hint and leave him alone and let him sit here and wallow in his own unnecessary miseries. He doesn’t want to drag Dan down with him too.  
  
“Are you really just tired?” Dan asks, fingers still dancing against his shoulder, slowly creeping up his short sleeve until they touch his skin with the gentlest of touches. It itches.  
  
“I’m fine, Dan.” Phil spits at him. He wriggles his shoulder and Dan almost instantly retracts his fingers. He misses them already.  
  
“Phil, babe, what’s wrong?” Dan says after a beat, and Phil can feel him shuffle closer towards him and his heart is hammering against his chest. He just wants to be left alone.  
  
“C’mon you can talk to me.” Dan assures him with a sweet voice. Phil hates this. He hates this so much. His head feels like it’s full of a thousand bee’s and all he can do is scream and cry at everyone around him about it.  
  
Phil chooses not to answer, but instead squeezes his eyes tighter and wishes Dan will leave. He can feel an argument building up in his chest like a summer storm; hot and fierce.  
There’s a small silence for a while where Dan waits for an answer that won’t come. So instead, Dan reaches down and presses a soft kiss on Phil’s neck just above his ear. There’s no intention behind it; it’s simply just a touch of love but something snaps in Phil’s chest when he feels those wet loving lips against his skin and the feeling of hot breath against his ear.  
  
He sits up quickly and turns to face Dan who has scooted back to the edge of the bed rather quickly, eyes wide in confusion, trying to read Phil’s face.  
  
“God, Dan I said I was fine. I’m fucking _exhausted_ and I just want to sleep before I have to deal with you tonight, okay? So just, fuck Dan, just let me be alone, _please_.”  
  
His heart is racing and he thought that his little explosion would relieve some of the tension that had been building up inside of him but it only seems to tighten the coil; pressing harder and tighter against his chest making him clench his fists and heart to beat fast.  
  
Dan looks like he’s not really sure what to say. He looks hurt and there’s the tiny part of Phil still that wants to crawl over to him and hold him for ever making him look like that. But his brain isn’t working today and his brain doesn’t care right now. He’s lashing out on Dan for nothing and he can’t find it in him to care.  
  
“What do you mean you don’t want to deal with me tonight?” Dan finally speaks. His voice is quiet and unsure. His eyes flicker over Phil’s face.  
  
Phil could back out now. He could calm himself and say sorry and let it all out in sad tears and climb into bed with the one person he loves the most and let himself be held. But instead the fire inside him builds higher and higher and he lets out a frustrated groan,  
  
“I just wanna be alone, Dan. Just let me be by myself so I don’t have to listen to you for like, two minutes. Is that so hard to ask for?” He’s almost yelling now, and he can see Dan’s face contort into something between hurt and anger.  
  
They can’t have an argument now. Not here.  
  
“Seriously?” Dan gives a small laugh, but he has a sharp expression of anger etched across his face, “Seriously, Phil what the fuck did I do?”  
  
Phil doesn’t have a real answer for that, he knows Dan has done nothing wrong, but his brain is churning out excuses just for the sake of being pissed off.  
  
“I just can’t stand to listen to you right now, your constant moaning or whinging, or being too hyperactive. You’re just too much for me right now.” Phil tells him with a shake of his head and he watches Dan move further away from him until he’s almost hanging off the edge of the bed.  
  
“That is so unfair.” Dan tells him with a shaky voice. It’s the voice that he uses when tears are threatening to spill and his heart is hurting. And Phil did that to him.  
  
They can’t back out now, they’ve both committed to this stupid argument and Phil won’t back down now. His head is pounding and his chest is heavy.  
  
“What’s not fair Dan? Having to be around you constantly every single fucking second or having to deal with your stupid fucking bullshit along with it?”  
  
“ _My_ fucking stupid bullshit?” Dan’s voice raises an octave, “Fuck me Phil, are you even listening to yourself right now?”  
  
Phil lets out a long irritated sigh and pinches the bridge of his nose with his fingers and sucks in a breath.  
  
“I don’t know what the hell is wrong with you today but shit Phil, you can’t just take it out me like this. I’m only trying to help you, you know?” Dan’s voice has softened slightly, like he’s trying to diffuse the situation. Neither of them want this fight, but only one of them is trying to stop it.  
  
“Ha, that’s rich coming from you.” Phil looks up at Dan, and in this moment he’s hurting so much that he wants to make Dan feel that same hurt.  
  
“All the fucking times I helped you through your stupid shit and you just threw it back in my face,” Phil spits nastily as Dan practically flinches at the sound of his words, “I’m sick of it.” Phil tells him, with narrowing eyes.  
  
Dan knows exactly know what Phil is talking about. He knows exactly what he’s doing, he knows that he’s doing this out of spite; doing it purely because he knows it’ll hurt.  
  
But Dan doesn’t yell or raise his voice or scream back at him. If it had been seven years ago then he would have; he’d be chomping at the bit for an argument, just to feel something, anything. But this isn’t seven years ago. They’re not the same people they were then; they’ve matured and grown together. They know what to do now.  
  
Dan closes his eyes and takes in a deep, shuddery breath. A few tears slip freely down his face as he regains his cool and without saying a word, he stands up and leaves the room, shutting the door gently behind him, leaving Phil alone with nothing.  
  
He doesn’t want this. Of course he doesn’t. He loves Dan so, so much beyond comprehension and these out of control arguments they rarely have are enough to make Phil feel as if he’s got rocks tied to his feet and he’s just stupidly jumped off a ledge into a 10ft pool.  
  
He wants to move and go to Dan but he feels frozen, sat here on this stupid bed.  
  
All of the anger and irritation seems to have fizzled out of him, leaving him with an empty feeling.

He feels so tired and drained and he so wants to bury his face into the pillows and have a bit of a cry. But he wants to be curled up with Dan telling him he’s gonna be okay.  
  
He pushes himself up off the bed and towards the door. The tour bus seems to have stopped, for gas probably, but his body still sways as he opens the door, full of nerves.  
  
When he opens the door, Cornelia is leaning against one of the bunks, her attention on her phone, until she hears Phil and looks up at him.  
  
It dawns on Phil that everyone on the bus most definitely heard their argument. He can’t even hide away from it; he has to face it.  
  
“Dan’s just popped outside to the loo.” She informs Phil and for a second Phil thinks she’s pissed at him but then she offers him a sweet, sympathetic smile and opens her arms open for a hug.  
  
He sadly walks into her arms and lets her tiny body attempt to wrap him up.  
  
“I’m an idiot.” He mumbles as he buries his nose in the top of her curls. They smell and feel like Dan’s. Sweet and soft.  
  
“You’re not an idiot, Phil. You’re just in a bad mood.” She tells him squeezing him tightly before letting him go,  
  
“You had an argument. So you need to fix it.”  
  
Phil nods, looking down at his feet, his head hurts from all the yelling and the stress but it’s nothing to the sadness that his heart holds.  
  
“Was he okay?” Phil asks her, looking back at her, “When he came back through here, I mean. Was he alright?”  
  
Cornelia smiles softly at him and places a hand on his shoulder,  
  
“He will be.”  
  
Dan returns two minutes later with the driver and as he enters the bus, he meets Phil’s eyes. They seem to hold a whole conversation together from across the bus without words being spoken. It’s like they both know what the other wants.  
  
Phil returns to their room and Dan follows. They shut the door behind them, and Phil sits back on the edge of the bed whilst Dan stands in front of him; waiting for him to say something.  
  
Instead they both speak at the same time,  
  
“I’m so sorry.”  
  
They both give small awkward smiles before Dan swallows and says,  
  
“You first.”  
  
Phil nods, it’s only fair really, to give him an explanation for being an ass. So he looks down at his lap and then back at Dan and takes a few deep breaths,  
  
“I’m so sorry, Dan.” He begins, “I should never have said those things to you. I only said them just to get a reaction out of you, you know. I never meant anything I said.”  
  
He’s genuinely sorry and he would apologise a thousand times over if it meant making it back up to him.  
  
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me – I guess it’s all just, I don’t know, it’s just building up and I’ve been feeling irritable lately, and I took it out on you. For no reason.”  
  
Dan nods in understanding, he doesn’t speak so Phil continues,  
  
“Dan, babe, I love you so much and there’s no excuse for how I acted. I really am sorry. For everything.”  
  
There’s tears in the corners of his eyes now, forming with each passing second that Dan remains silent. The fall when he blinks, looking up at Dan with sad, adoring eyes.  
  
Dan then walks towards Phil and without saying anything he sinks to his knees and with a deep sigh he leans forward and wraps his arms around Phil’s waist, hugging his head to his stomach.  
  
Phil lets his hands cradle the back of Dan’s head as the hold each other. This is what Phil needed. This is what makes him feel better.  
  
“I’m sorry too.” Dan’s muffled voice comes from Phil’s shirt, “I’m sorry I retaliated when you were feeling shitty. I should have known better.”  
  
Phil shakes his head and swallows thickly, “No, Dan, this isn’t your fault.” He assures him and Dan just pulls him in closer so that Phil’s knees are pressed against Dan’s shoulders now.  
  
“I know it’s hard,” Dan is whispering now, just loud enough for Phil to hear him, “I know it’s so fucking hard to say it, but Phil, when you’re feeling like that you gotta let me know.” He pulls away so he can look up at Phil, his honey coloured eyes are glistening with tears and his eyelashes are still wet from earlier.  
  
The way he looks up at him, with such love and adoration makes Phil’s heart flutter in his chest. It reminds him of the days that they would be sat in Phil’s bed in Manchester and Dan would look up at Phil with the same look and ask for reassurance about the future and Phil would pull him close and kiss him deeply and tell him it’ll be alright.  
  
That’s what he needs right now.  
  
“Yeah, okay.” Phil nods, voice croaky and tired.  
  
And as if Dan has read his mind, he stands back up and pushes Phil back on the bed, and sits in his lap. He sits on his heels with his knees by Phil’s lap so that they’re as close as they can get. It feels so familiar.  
  
“Okay.” Dan whispers with a smile, and he leans forward to press a soft kiss into his hair. He lingers for a second before pulling away, and when he does, Phil pulls him in and returns the favour against his lips.  
  
Dan smiles and Phil smiles back.  
  
“I love you so much, you know?” Phil tells him once they’ve pulled away.  
  
Dan just rests his forehead against his and gives a content sigh, letting his eyes close as they continue to stay like this. Together.  
  
“Yeah,” he smiles, “I know.”

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this after having a few days like phil; just totally angry and stressed and completely unreasonable. unfortunately i do not have my own dan to make it better lol - let me know what you thought !! hope you enjoyed :)
> 
> come say hi on tumblr !! @watergator


End file.
